Identify one relationship in which you feel on-guard and defensive and one relationship in which you feel comfortable and supported. Describe and analyze the communication behaviors in each relationship. To what extent do the defensive and supportive communication behaviors discussed in the text explain the climates of these two relationships? Refer to your textbook for information on climates in terms of communication.
This is the final blog posting for the quarter. On Monday, 12/8, I’ll hand out the instructions and evaluation criteria for your final project, the Blog Reflection Essay and Presentation.
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My relationship between my dad and I is kind of always on the rocks. I’m always nervous that he’s going to be irritated or mad at me because that’s what usually happens when we “talk” about something. Simply because it’s not really a talk it’s him telling me what I’m going to do so I pretty much have no say in the matter which then causes me to get angry and then we end up arguing. He also shows a bit of favoritism towards my younger sister because she hasn’t done anything “stupid” like I have yet. That also puts a strain on our relationship, but it’s just really hard to try talking to my dad about it. He’s a bit close-minded also, as I said earlier, what he says goes. It doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks about the issue. However, the relationship between my friend Greg and I is completely the opposite. Greg is my best guy friend and we talk about everything. He’s really supportive of me, for the most part, in whatever I choose to do. He also gives me a lot of good advice when I am having issues with something and it really helps. He’s very open-minded about things and I have noticed that when we do disagree on something we usually can see where the other person is coming from. I think we communicate really well and we haven’t really had any big issues and the ones we did have weren’t that big of a deal. We just talked about it and didn’t get mad at each other. It just worked out really well.
My supportive and defensive relationships are more to do with gender rather than a certain person. I believe that I can work well with women but only under certain situations. As for men, I tend to have more of a positive additude towards them. Now I'm meaning in a work place. I have always been very positive with the women I work with. It is part of my job to be able to work with anyone reguardless of the gender. As I think about my past jobs, I have worked with women that are very catty and defensive. They liked to talk about other women and when I was around, they would not even give me the time of day. When I worked with men, they always seemed to treat everyone the same. This was a supportive feature and I am starting to think that it could be a genetic thing. Women have a tendency to judge others and critisize whoever they want. Men are more relaxed and can be more welcoming to others. Each gender sets a climate. The women's climate is more discomforting and is of a recognizing and acknowlegement climate where they claim that you exist or not as well as if you matter to them. Men are on the endorsement side where they are confirming and know that it is ok to have an opinion even if they feel it is wrong. This is only my opinion. Not all men and women have this "trait" but this is how I percieve my past work experiences.
I have a defensive relationship with my mother. She never looks at my viewpoint in any situation and everything is always my fault. I could be raped and it'd be my fault for putting myself in that situation. I really don't speak to my mother about anything personal anymore, but wish I could have a normal relationship with her. I have a very supportive relationship with my boyfriend. He's always caring and gives me good advice. We talk to eachother about everything and it also helps that he sees my point of view and looks at others point of views too. I wish my mother could look at my point of view at least half of the time and maybe not be so cold hearted than we could have a real mother daughter relationship.
My defensive relationship would be with a guy I dated shortly after high school who turned abusive. I was on guard 24/7 because I knew that at any moment, I could say or do something or not say or do anything and he would flip.
My supportive relationship would have to be my current boyfriend. He helped me through a lot when we first started dating and for some reason he still sticks around after living with me for 2 1/2 years! I don't have to watch what I say around him, I can say whatever is on my mind, even if I think it might make him mad.
One relationship that I have that I feel like I am always on the defense with is my wonderful mother. She is always telling me how I should live my life, how I should raise my daughter, and what I should do. She even goes so far sometimes as to tell me how to help raise my stepchildren, and really she doesn't know how to raise kids herself. I constantly feel as if what I do or anything that I say is never good enough for her.
A relationship that I feel comfortable and supported in is the one with my fiance he has always got my back no matter what the issue is at hand. Even if he doesn't agree with something that I am doing or want to do he supports me 100% and sets his thougths and ideas aside. he will do anything and everything that he can to make me happy.
The relationship I had with my ex-husband would be considered by most to be a very defensive one. I don't know if it was his lack of education or the way he was raised, but I could look right at him to try to discuss an issue and he would turn very defensive towards me. Even when I would say something as simple as, "I had a really bad day today, could you please make dinner." He is a person that will never take any blame for any of his actions. For the 13 years we were together he got into trouble with his drinking nearly every year. He would blame me, his parents and even the state of Wisconsin for his problems. It got to the point that I would never talk to him about anything. He was also very controlling and verbally abusive. If I wanted to go out with my friends I was given the cold shoulder when I got home or he would always try to out do me the next night.
Now the relationship I have still with my ex-boyfriend that I seen after my divorce is to this day the best I have ever had. When we started seeing eachother and he was the complete opposite of what I was used to was actually hard for me. I had gotten used to being treated in a certain way. Then to have someone actually listen to me and value my opinions and feelings was like a breath of fresh air. Him and I would talk for hours about anything and everything and he always treated my issues like they were his own. He treated me like a princess and showed me what a real relationship was suppossed to be like. I have very little contact with my ex-husband and I try to keep it that way. Because now that he's alone and doesn't have as much anymore, that's completely my fault as well. I talk with my ex-boyfriend on an almost daily basis. When he calls me the 1st thing he always asks is about me and how I am. I consider him to be my best friend whom I owe so to. Without his guildance, support and unconditional love I would not be the person I am today. I would still be the cynical stressed out woman of my past.
MY father could be unpredictable at times. One min he's fine the next he his screaming at someone for something. The person that is the most supportive to me and will sit and talk to me about anything is my girl sara. THere have been some ruff times in the past but in the long run she will be there for me no mater what.
My relationship with my mother is on the side of the mountain. The higher I climb, the more she pushes me down, I'm always on the defensive with her. it seems no matter what I do or say it's never good enough for her. We don't talk to each other we argue. Neither one of us backs down from our arguments. But then on the other hand, my relationship with my boyfriend is the complete opposite of my relationship with my mother. My boyfriend and I have converstions all the time. Good clean wholesom conversations. We can talk about anything and everything and sometimes even if he doesn't agree with what I do, he still supports me in my descisions, and vice versa. he's always there for me when I need him to be, and he is affectionate.
My ex-boyfriend gets very defensive when I talk about or bring up another girl he likes or dated previously. Adam gets very devensive when these things get brought up and he tries to get even with me by bringing up other guys I like or talk about. Girls arn't the only thing he gets devensive about. Another thing is his mother. He never see her since she lives in Illinois. People say alot of your momma jokes at work and it upsets him. Most forget about the fact he gets devensive and some do it just to make him mad or to see what he will do. Overall Adam can get very devensive.
My relationship with a fellow classmate is weired because he gets very defensive whenever you talk to him about his female "friends". And I think that is so wrong of him to think that because I don't think those wrong things ahout him like everother girl in the class! I think my relationship with my dad is great because instead of getting defensive he just listens to me and agrees with me most of the time. With that's why I think my dad and I are so alike because we think the same and somewhat look the same also. I also think because he is very open-minded about most things and i think that is some of the problem because I am open-minded but, not on everything!
When i am around people that I do not know, I am almost always on guard and defensive, especially if that persons first impression was not that great. Its never been easy for me to make new friends.
At home however, its the total opposite. My family is usually pretty open to each other, and we all have a sense of humor which makes it easier to get along.
In the past, I used to feel defensive and on-guard when I would speak with my mother. (This is back when I lived with her). A reason I became defensive is my mother mainly concentrates on the negative of things and situations and relays them. She at times, is not all supportive however now she has become a lot better at being supportive and listening rather than judging the situation and stating the negative connotations associated with it. Therefore, she created a negative climate and I would build a wall against in order to prevent any negativity that would come my way. However, that time has long passed and now she is a lot easier to talk too and we communicate a lot more effectively. (This seems to happen when you have been out of the house for a few years). A good friend of mine Mark always creates a positive environment and is great at encouraging me to try new things. Mark is one person that literally knows everything about me. He actually knows more of my secrets than just about any other person. He is non judgmental and a great listener. Even if I am in a poor mood, after speaking with him I feel more positive about the situation I am in or myself. A friend like that is a great thing to have. Unfortunately, he lives across the country so we stay in touch via email and phone. However, he is not allowed to talk about the weather in the winter since he lives in sunny San Diego. That topic is off limits.
I love my grandpa to death but he is a stubborn Norwegian. My relationship with him is a defensive one. I always feel defensive when I talk to him and he makes me feel that I am not good enough. I also feel like I have to always explain everything to him. I am even afraid to talk to him about our family history and even to tell him about things that I have accomplished. I am automatically expecting him to shoot me down. The relationship that I have with my parents is very comfortable one. I feel that I can tell them anything and not being afraid of what their reaction is going to be or that I have to explain everything to them. My parents set up a very comfortable climate and my grandpa is a very unnerving climate.
One relationship that I am defensive about is with my mother. She is constantly negative about everything and isn't happy unless she can make someone else feel bad about themselves.
My supportive relationship would have to be with my best friend.I can tell him anything and he never judges me.He is always very supportive of me and even when I want to give up on things he encourages me to keep going.
I have always had a defensive relationship with my best girlfriend, Morgan. We had a "falling out" last year and it really changed our relationship. Ever since, I've always been on guard about what I say and don't say to her or other friends that have strong relationships with the both of us. I have a very comfortable and strong relationship with my best guy friend, Jordan. I have known him since we were in 6th grade if not earlier and I can tell him anything and trust him to keep an open mind. We look out for each other, which is one thing I love about being friends with him. It is hard to find such a genuine friend like him.
I had a frined in school who would tell you one thing to your face and then tell another version to another person so I always had to be on-guard and I had to be defensive to her. Then I had a friend that I completely trusted and could tell them anything. I felt comfortable and supported in anything I said or did around her. When I am around the defensive friend the climate was stiff and the climate around the supportive friend was easy to talk to.
My most defensive interaction with someone would have to be my Uncle. I only speak with him a few times a year and that in its self in dwindling more and more. Every conversation that I can think of is full of negativity and sarcasm. I can’t bring up any relatives because it starts in a rant and rave of what that person has done to him personally or someone he knows. I tell him I’m in love and he states it is puppy love, “It will pass, trust me”, that is just one example of hundreds. Honestly, I don’t like the idea of not getting along with family, but when it brings you down it’s better to keep that person at a safe distance so they can’t affect your self esteem any more than they already have. On the other side my Grandparents are the complete opposite. I feel comfortable, and supported in all aspects of life. Any goal I have set or accomplished they have either watched, or help me complete with no bias, or prejudice thoughts, or remarks. They have told me that it is my life and my actions will make the out come, with that in mind I have tried to make the right decisions. To this day I still look for their guidance to make sure I’m on the right track. Although I’m 26 years old, I still need to know I have their support and trust with my actions. I would not change that for the world.
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